1. Ovid’s description of the “cure” for love is very simple. He suggests a man should go out and try to look past the flaws and make the woman feel comfortable. Once that happens, love can blossom and it can be done without being shallow. Also, Ovid mentions that lovers should avoid lonely places. “You who find it hard to unlearn your loving avoid lonely places lovers.” This was particularly interesting to me because a lot of relationship magazines suggest the best place to find love is to go out to places such as bars, clubs, or other social events. While looking through Menshealth.com, I came across an article that stated, “If you're always sweating over what to say to a woman, stop. Turns out what you say may not be as important as how you say it. As long as you're flirtatious -- smiling, nodding, raising your eyebrows -- you stand a good chance of coming across as attractive to women, according to a new study from the University of Bristol in the U.K.” The main point of this article is to engage the woman and make the “first move”. This is similar to Ovid’s article since it suggests that the man should approach the woman he desires. On the flip side, when on Cosmopolitan.com, I noticed an interesting statement made in an article named “What makes men fall in love”. In it, the author suggested “Give him a job. Ask him to fix or build you something. Performing concrete tasks is a way of bonding that enhances his sense of success. Ask his opinion. Whether it’s about your 401(k) options or the best travel sites, it telegraphs that you value his brain as much as you do his brawn.” To me, this suggests that the woman should be manipulative into pretending that the man is smart and “needed” by the woman. While I only read this one article, I would doubt there are any articles saying that the woman should be herself and try to find a man she likes using a normal approach(actually getting to know the guy without using any tricks or fake personalities). This goes for the men’s magazines as well. I believe these magazines are the reason why America has such a high divorce rate. However, that’s a totally other discussion.
2. According to the Mythological dictionary, Tiresias lost his sight because he got into an argument with Hera saying that women enjoyed sex more than men. While she blinded him, he obtained powers of prophecy. It also stated that he spent some of his life as a woman, so he knew love from both points of view. Personally, I agree with Tiresias for a few reasons. While men may openly talk about sex and have a stereotype of being more “comfortable” with it, women are stereotyped with waiting for the right guy or are the ones in control when it comes to having sex. So because of this wait, it is more meaningful to them and won’t have sex with any guy they don’t feel comfortable with. Also, biologically it is true because women are capable of having multiple orgasms while men can’t. Guys, if you don’t believe me then look it up.
3. I believe Capellanus’ text is similar to my views on love because he states general rules that are the base of many articles and so called relationship experts. For example, he states, “When a lover suddenly has sight of his beloved, his heart beats wildly” or “4. Love is always growing or diminishing”. He didn’t take years of research to find this out but these are things that everyone encounters and feels when they meet someone they believe they are in love with. I personally believe many people in today’s society misconstrued love and mistake it for sexual desire or a feeling of being wanted. Also, shows such as Gossip Girl or other teen soaps make young adults feel as if they need love in their lives in order to fit in. I feel true love doesn’t come in a few months or right away, however it takes years to know a person and full understanding if love is there or not.
Courtly Love Readings
Andreas Capellanus (late 12th cent.)
De Amore (1184-86)
A Treatise on Courtly Love (Excerpts)
What is Love?
Love is an inborn suffering proceeding from the sight and immoderate thought upon the beauty of the other sex, for which cause above all other things one wishes to embrace the other and, by common assent, in this embrace to fulfill the commandments of love. . . .
From Whence Love is Named
"Love (amor)" is derived from the word "hook (amar)", which signifies "capture" or "be captured." For he who loves is caught in the chains of desire and wishes to catch another with his hook.
What is the Effect of Love
The true lover can not be corrupted by avarice; love makes an ugly and rude person shine with all beauty, knows how to endow with nobility even one of humble birth, can even lend humility to the proud; he who loves is accustomed humbly to serve others.
What Persons are Suited for Love
[The author goes on to specify the requirements of a lover -- girls must be at least 12, boys 14, though for true love men must be at least 18 years old and under 60 (after that age, though copulation is possible true passion is lacking); women must be under fifty. Age, blindness and excessive passion are all bars to true love.]
Blindness impedes love, for a blind man cannot see that on which his mind can reflect immoderately. Therefore love cannot arise in him, as is adequately proven above. But I recognize that this is true only of the moment in which love is acquired, for I do not deny that love can endure in a man who acquired love before he went blind.
Too great an abundance of passion impedes love, for there are those who are so enslaved by desire that they cannot be restrained by the bonds of love; those who after deep thoughts of their lady or even having enjoyed the fruits of love, when they see another immediately desire her embraces, forgetting the services received from their former lover and revealing their ingratitude.
The Rules of Love
1. Marriage is no excuse for not loving.2. He who is not jealous can not love.3. No one can be bound by two loves.4. Love is always growing or diminishing.5. It is not good for one lover to take anything against the will of the other.6. A male cannot love until he has fully reached puberty.7. Two years of mourning for a dead lover are prescribed for surviving lovers.8. No one should be deprived of love without a valid reason.9. No one can love who is not driven to do so by the power of love.10. Love always departs from the dwelling place of avarice.11. It is not proper to love one whom one would be ashamed to marry.12. The true lover never desires the embraces of any save his lover.13. Love rarely lasts when it is revealed.14. An easy attainment makes love contemptible; a difficult onemakes it more dear.15. Every lover turns pale in the presence of his beloved.16. When a lover suddenly has sight of his beloved, his heart beats wildly.17. A new love expells an old one.18. Moral integrity alone makes one worthy of love.19. If love diminishes, it quickly leaves and rarely revives.20. A lover is always fearful.21. True jealousy always increases the effects of love.22. If a lover suspects another, jealousy and the efects of love increase.23. He who is vexed by the thoughts of love eats little and seldom sleeps.24. Every action of a lover ends in the thought of his beloved.25. The true lover believes only that which he thinks will please his beloved.26. Love can deny nothing to love.27. A lover can never have enough of the embraces of his beloved.28. The slightest suspicion incites the lover to suspect the worse of his beloved.29. He who suffers from an excess of passion is not suited to love.30. The true lover is continuously obsessed with the image of his beloved.31. Nothing prevents a woman from being loved by two men, or a manfrom being loved by two women.
Ovid’s Ars Amoratia
Who in this town knows not the lover’s art (Cont’d)
Should read this book, and play an expert’s part. Don’t miss the ring where animals race
It’s art that speeds the boat with oars and sails, you’ll find much vantage in that crowded place
Art drives the chariot, art in love prevails. Not here by sign of hand or nod of head
For young Love’s guide has Venus chosen men, need hints be dropped or messages be sped.
Love’s pilot and Love’s charioteer I’ll be. Sit next to your mistress none can say “no”
Though he be wild and apt to flout my rule, press side to side as close as you may
He’s but a boy, an easy age to school. Thanks to the custom of the crowded bench
The worse he stabs, the fiercer burns his flame shy though she is, you’re bound to squeeze her.
So much the fitter I to avenge the maim.
I’ll not pretend to powers by Phoebus given, New love will the Circus bring
Nor warnings uttered by the fowls of heaven. And the sad gladiator’s sandy ring.
Experience prompts my labors. Heed the sage: Love often in an arena fights a bout
With truths oh Venus! Help me fill my page. Look too for openings at the festive board,
For wine is not the diner’s sole reward.
To find an object worthy of his suit wine lights the fire of passion in the soul,
Is the first duty of our new recruit: cares melt and vanish in the brimming bowl.
The next to gain the chosen damsel’s ‘yes’, then laughter comes and frowns and cares
The last to keep her love for many a day. And sorrows take to flight. But beware:
Night hides each fault, each blemish forgot
While you are free with slackened rein to rove the hour can make a beauty of a dog
Choose one whom you can call your only love. To daylight pearls and purple gowns refer
Think not she’ll drop before you from the skies: of face a body let the day be judge.
To find a fitting mistress, use your eyes.
The hunter learns where stags are to be snared,
And in what glens the tusky boar is laired;
So you who’re on a lasting love intent
Must learn the spots that damsels most frequent.
Thick as the stars the fair abound in Rome;
In her son’s city Venus makes her home.
If it’s the first still budding years you prize,
A genuine maid is there to greet your eyes.
If mellow age attracts and riper mind,
Here too, be sure, a goodly throng you’ll find.
Presenter 3 Text:
First tell yourself all women can be won: (cont’d)
Just spread your nets; the thing’s as good as done. Nor let your hair with curling tongs be curled
Scrape acquaintance with your lover’s maid: nor make your limbs soft with pumice stone
Your path will be the smoother for her aid. Leave such to the women
See that her mistress’ confidence she shares man’s beauty needs no varnish.
And holds the secret of her love affairs. Limb’s clean and tanned by exercise delight,
Her with prayers and promises secure; and spotless clothes that match the figure right.
With her good will you triumph. Have expert hands trim hair and beard
Then try your lover when her rival’s roused her anger: keep nostrils free from lurking bristles
Make it your duty to avenge the slight. Nor by foul breath from unclean lips exhaled.
Bid her maid speak of you and plead your case.
Should one seduce the maid as well? Tears are helpful too, tears will melt a stone
The graves risks in such adventures dwell. Wet cheeks at all costs must be shown.
One’s keen, one slacker having shared your sleep, if tears should fail you, touch your eyes
One takes you for your mistress, one to keep. With a moistened hand, perhaps she’ll first
The issue’s doubtful: even though chance befriend resist and call you rude, yet while resisting longs
The plan’s not one that I would recommend. To be subdued. But careful, lest her tender lips
My lady’s birthday most of all beware, be scarred and she cry “you kiss to hard.”
Ban any day when giving’s in the air.
Dodge as you will, she’ll rob you: woman’s brain diverse are women’s hearts
Discovers ways to steal. A thousand minds demand a thousand arts.
Be warned and to Rhetoric pay heed. Nor think one method for all ages fit:
Just as the courts, the senate and the crowd who shocks a prude makes a poor wretch
So woman’s heart by eloquence is bowed. Distrust herself at once; and thus, while
Use language plain and speech of common folk from a gentleman she shrinks, into some
If it’s rejected at first and returned unread lowly embrace she vilely sinks.
Expect she’ll read it soon and go ahead.
Presenter 4 Text (The Cures of Love):
When Cupid read the title of this volume, (cont’d)
‘It’s war on me’ he cried. Her figure’s slender? Call her lank and lean.
Please Cupid don’t hold me, your poet, guilty And call her pert if she’s not naïve.
Who at your side so long your flag bore. And if she’s well behaved, naïve you mean.
Others may cool, but I’m in love forever, coax her to demonstrate her lack of talent:
Besides I’ve taught the art to win you. if she has no voice, insist upon her singing
Sweet boy, I’ve not betrayed you and make her dance if she can’t move her arms.
Good luck to any lover who likes loving. Her accent’s bad? Keep her in conversations
But if some minx has got him in her clutches, her teeth are bad? Say what will make her laugh.
Safety in this book he’ll find. It will help to pay a sudden visit at morning
Why should a lover knot a noose and dangle before she’s put on her disguise
Or plunge a sword in his breast? Dress sweeps us off our feet: in gold and jewels
Let him who’ll die of love unless he ends it all is hidden: the girl herself is the smallest part.
End it, then Love shall be the death of none. Among so much you wonder what you’re loving
You’re a boy, you’re only fit for playing when you see her face and the ointments
A kindly reign best suits your years: play on. and colors and greases it will turn your stomach
You who find it hard to unlearn your loving avoid lonely places lovers. Lonely places
Who can’t and wish you could, must call me. are harmful; in a crowd you’re more secure.
Keep thinking what your wicked girl’s been doing; you have no need of privacy, if you’re alone
Before your eyes set every loss you’ve had: you’ll mope. Your girl abandoned before
“There’s this and that and still she wants more your eyes will loom. Also, the night is sadder
I’ve had to sell my house, it got so bad. Than the hours of sunshine, with no companions
She dotes on others, finds my love offensive to relieve your gloom. So keep your doors open
And gives a salesman nights I get no more.” Nor in the dark to conceal yourself.
Let all those things embitter your whole being don’t ask what she’s doing, stop moaning!
Brood over them, seek seeds of hatred here. From silence she’ll just fade away.
Make comments about her attractions: but it’s a crime to hate your ex-girlfriend
“those legs, how ugly; those arms are not pretty that bad way out is for brutes.
how short she is! How demanding!” let your indifference is enough: who ends love hating
comments fall on the wrong side. is still in love and can’t easily let go of sorrow.
De Amore (1184-86)
A Treatise on Courtly Love (Excerpts)
What is Love?
Love is an inborn suffering proceeding from the sight and immoderate thought upon the beauty of the other sex, for which cause above all other things one wishes to embrace the other and, by common assent, in this embrace to fulfill the commandments of love. . . .
From Whence Love is Named
"Love (amor)" is derived from the word "hook (amar)", which signifies "capture" or "be captured." For he who loves is caught in the chains of desire and wishes to catch another with his hook.
What is the Effect of Love
The true lover can not be corrupted by avarice; love makes an ugly and rude person shine with all beauty, knows how to endow with nobility even one of humble birth, can even lend humility to the proud; he who loves is accustomed humbly to serve others.
What Persons are Suited for Love
[The author goes on to specify the requirements of a lover -- girls must be at least 12, boys 14, though for true love men must be at least 18 years old and under 60 (after that age, though copulation is possible true passion is lacking); women must be under fifty. Age, blindness and excessive passion are all bars to true love.]
Blindness impedes love, for a blind man cannot see that on which his mind can reflect immoderately. Therefore love cannot arise in him, as is adequately proven above. But I recognize that this is true only of the moment in which love is acquired, for I do not deny that love can endure in a man who acquired love before he went blind.
Too great an abundance of passion impedes love, for there are those who are so enslaved by desire that they cannot be restrained by the bonds of love; those who after deep thoughts of their lady or even having enjoyed the fruits of love, when they see another immediately desire her embraces, forgetting the services received from their former lover and revealing their ingratitude.
The Rules of Love
1. Marriage is no excuse for not loving.2. He who is not jealous can not love.3. No one can be bound by two loves.4. Love is always growing or diminishing.5. It is not good for one lover to take anything against the will of the other.6. A male cannot love until he has fully reached puberty.7. Two years of mourning for a dead lover are prescribed for surviving lovers.8. No one should be deprived of love without a valid reason.9. No one can love who is not driven to do so by the power of love.10. Love always departs from the dwelling place of avarice.11. It is not proper to love one whom one would be ashamed to marry.12. The true lover never desires the embraces of any save his lover.13. Love rarely lasts when it is revealed.14. An easy attainment makes love contemptible; a difficult onemakes it more dear.15. Every lover turns pale in the presence of his beloved.16. When a lover suddenly has sight of his beloved, his heart beats wildly.17. A new love expells an old one.18. Moral integrity alone makes one worthy of love.19. If love diminishes, it quickly leaves and rarely revives.20. A lover is always fearful.21. True jealousy always increases the effects of love.22. If a lover suspects another, jealousy and the efects of love increase.23. He who is vexed by the thoughts of love eats little and seldom sleeps.24. Every action of a lover ends in the thought of his beloved.25. The true lover believes only that which he thinks will please his beloved.26. Love can deny nothing to love.27. A lover can never have enough of the embraces of his beloved.28. The slightest suspicion incites the lover to suspect the worse of his beloved.29. He who suffers from an excess of passion is not suited to love.30. The true lover is continuously obsessed with the image of his beloved.31. Nothing prevents a woman from being loved by two men, or a manfrom being loved by two women.
Ovid’s Ars Amoratia
Who in this town knows not the lover’s art (Cont’d)
Should read this book, and play an expert’s part. Don’t miss the ring where animals race
It’s art that speeds the boat with oars and sails, you’ll find much vantage in that crowded place
Art drives the chariot, art in love prevails. Not here by sign of hand or nod of head
For young Love’s guide has Venus chosen men, need hints be dropped or messages be sped.
Love’s pilot and Love’s charioteer I’ll be. Sit next to your mistress none can say “no”
Though he be wild and apt to flout my rule, press side to side as close as you may
He’s but a boy, an easy age to school. Thanks to the custom of the crowded bench
The worse he stabs, the fiercer burns his flame shy though she is, you’re bound to squeeze her.
So much the fitter I to avenge the maim.
I’ll not pretend to powers by Phoebus given, New love will the Circus bring
Nor warnings uttered by the fowls of heaven. And the sad gladiator’s sandy ring.
Experience prompts my labors. Heed the sage: Love often in an arena fights a bout
With truths oh Venus! Help me fill my page. Look too for openings at the festive board,
For wine is not the diner’s sole reward.
To find an object worthy of his suit wine lights the fire of passion in the soul,
Is the first duty of our new recruit: cares melt and vanish in the brimming bowl.
The next to gain the chosen damsel’s ‘yes’, then laughter comes and frowns and cares
The last to keep her love for many a day. And sorrows take to flight. But beware:
Night hides each fault, each blemish forgot
While you are free with slackened rein to rove the hour can make a beauty of a dog
Choose one whom you can call your only love. To daylight pearls and purple gowns refer
Think not she’ll drop before you from the skies: of face a body let the day be judge.
To find a fitting mistress, use your eyes.
The hunter learns where stags are to be snared,
And in what glens the tusky boar is laired;
So you who’re on a lasting love intent
Must learn the spots that damsels most frequent.
Thick as the stars the fair abound in Rome;
In her son’s city Venus makes her home.
If it’s the first still budding years you prize,
A genuine maid is there to greet your eyes.
If mellow age attracts and riper mind,
Here too, be sure, a goodly throng you’ll find.
Presenter 3 Text:
First tell yourself all women can be won: (cont’d)
Just spread your nets; the thing’s as good as done. Nor let your hair with curling tongs be curled
Scrape acquaintance with your lover’s maid: nor make your limbs soft with pumice stone
Your path will be the smoother for her aid. Leave such to the women
See that her mistress’ confidence she shares man’s beauty needs no varnish.
And holds the secret of her love affairs. Limb’s clean and tanned by exercise delight,
Her with prayers and promises secure; and spotless clothes that match the figure right.
With her good will you triumph. Have expert hands trim hair and beard
Then try your lover when her rival’s roused her anger: keep nostrils free from lurking bristles
Make it your duty to avenge the slight. Nor by foul breath from unclean lips exhaled.
Bid her maid speak of you and plead your case.
Should one seduce the maid as well? Tears are helpful too, tears will melt a stone
The graves risks in such adventures dwell. Wet cheeks at all costs must be shown.
One’s keen, one slacker having shared your sleep, if tears should fail you, touch your eyes
One takes you for your mistress, one to keep. With a moistened hand, perhaps she’ll first
The issue’s doubtful: even though chance befriend resist and call you rude, yet while resisting longs
The plan’s not one that I would recommend. To be subdued. But careful, lest her tender lips
My lady’s birthday most of all beware, be scarred and she cry “you kiss to hard.”
Ban any day when giving’s in the air.
Dodge as you will, she’ll rob you: woman’s brain diverse are women’s hearts
Discovers ways to steal. A thousand minds demand a thousand arts.
Be warned and to Rhetoric pay heed. Nor think one method for all ages fit:
Just as the courts, the senate and the crowd who shocks a prude makes a poor wretch
So woman’s heart by eloquence is bowed. Distrust herself at once; and thus, while
Use language plain and speech of common folk from a gentleman she shrinks, into some
If it’s rejected at first and returned unread lowly embrace she vilely sinks.
Expect she’ll read it soon and go ahead.
Presenter 4 Text (The Cures of Love):
When Cupid read the title of this volume, (cont’d)
‘It’s war on me’ he cried. Her figure’s slender? Call her lank and lean.
Please Cupid don’t hold me, your poet, guilty And call her pert if she’s not naïve.
Who at your side so long your flag bore. And if she’s well behaved, naïve you mean.
Others may cool, but I’m in love forever, coax her to demonstrate her lack of talent:
Besides I’ve taught the art to win you. if she has no voice, insist upon her singing
Sweet boy, I’ve not betrayed you and make her dance if she can’t move her arms.
Good luck to any lover who likes loving. Her accent’s bad? Keep her in conversations
But if some minx has got him in her clutches, her teeth are bad? Say what will make her laugh.
Safety in this book he’ll find. It will help to pay a sudden visit at morning
Why should a lover knot a noose and dangle before she’s put on her disguise
Or plunge a sword in his breast? Dress sweeps us off our feet: in gold and jewels
Let him who’ll die of love unless he ends it all is hidden: the girl herself is the smallest part.
End it, then Love shall be the death of none. Among so much you wonder what you’re loving
You’re a boy, you’re only fit for playing when you see her face and the ointments
A kindly reign best suits your years: play on. and colors and greases it will turn your stomach
You who find it hard to unlearn your loving avoid lonely places lovers. Lonely places
Who can’t and wish you could, must call me. are harmful; in a crowd you’re more secure.
Keep thinking what your wicked girl’s been doing; you have no need of privacy, if you’re alone
Before your eyes set every loss you’ve had: you’ll mope. Your girl abandoned before
“There’s this and that and still she wants more your eyes will loom. Also, the night is sadder
I’ve had to sell my house, it got so bad. Than the hours of sunshine, with no companions
She dotes on others, finds my love offensive to relieve your gloom. So keep your doors open
And gives a salesman nights I get no more.” Nor in the dark to conceal yourself.
Let all those things embitter your whole being don’t ask what she’s doing, stop moaning!
Brood over them, seek seeds of hatred here. From silence she’ll just fade away.
Make comments about her attractions: but it’s a crime to hate your ex-girlfriend
“those legs, how ugly; those arms are not pretty that bad way out is for brutes.
how short she is! How demanding!” let your indifference is enough: who ends love hating
comments fall on the wrong side. is still in love and can’t easily let go of sorrow.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
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2 comments:
I disagree with what you say about articles telling men and women to be manipulative and not be themselves. While there is a lot of advice out there suggesting various tips and tricks for that initial meeting phase, most articles or magazines state that being yourself is the only way to sustain a successful relationship. If you pretend to be someone you are not then the relationship is doomed to fail as it was never founded on truth. I think that there is a big difference between initialing meeting someone and getting them to be interested in you and actually revealing your true self to someone.
I agree that most loves probably don't happen over night and that most lovers do behave in the manners mentioned in rule 4. I also understand that some individuals may use the word kindly for benefits or rewards. However I dont believe society miscontrues love or pressure individuals to be in love and to fit it. Its more of a monkey see monkey do thing. Either you can chose to do the right thing or you want to do the wrong thing.
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